CONTRAPUNCTUM   CRISS CROSS CONTRA PUNCTUM - LIVRE I WHITE HOLE 1. DO YOU Think OF ME ( like I dREAM of you ) 2. WALKING ON THE EDGE 3. EARLY CRASHING 4. ETHEREAL SPAZIERGANG [ E. die echte promenade ] 5. CLOSET ENCOUNTER OF THE THIRD KIND 6. THE SMILES IN THE DRAWER [ Thank you Oscar ] 7. THE BALLAD OF THE TOAST 8. MORNING SWIM 9. SONG OF THE FULL SODA-POP CAN 10. ( notsonumbinthewomb : nottobereadtitle ) 11. READ MY ACROSTICAL COMPLAINT 12. EST-CE BIEN RAISONNABLE 13. TO EPIMETHEUS, MY FRIEND 14. TO MY MOST OVERWHELMING GHOST 15. MY FAVOURITE DISH 16. EURYDICE IST IN DIE HÖLLE EINKAUFEN GEGANGEN 17. SPONGE [ I'll absorb and scour you ] 18. IMPRESSION SOLEIL LEVANT 19. WITCH KIND OF GIRL ARE YOU ? 20. LAWFUL HIJACKING [ Thank you Ricardo ] 21. THE KLIZARD 22. DROWNING IN MY OWN TEARS 23. I don't see you at every corner of a street 24. DARLING NIKE Still here I carry my old delicious burdens, I carry them, men and women, I carry them with me wherever I go, I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them, I am filled with them; and I will fill them in return. Walt Whitman, Song of the open road WHITE HOLE Ne pas se pencher trop en avant DANGER DE CHUTE 1 DO YOU Think OF ME ( like I dREAM of you ) THROW up rage and cry for love : have another whiskey marshmallow don't worry it's not that hard to swallow you'll get sick and suffer a bit but it's so sweet to spit your spite in the open put your feet in the oven and your head in the fridge slip a hand in the toaster another in the liquidizer turn it on with a smile enjoy the nasty spin of the blade slowly crunching your limb try harakiri with an electric knife NO with a vegetable think natural - don't waste no power make yourself a limb cocktail and when your cock is but a tale when h armless you with a cool head stand be happy AT LAST that no worse could ever things be 2 WALKING ON THE EDGE WALKING on the edge of a slippery ledge follow your shadow, up in the hollow, down in the meadow There's always a pit by your side, ever steady pet Would you ever tame it even though you blame it ? Might she feel abuse should you not amuse your Suffering Muse ? Still don't you worry though you dream you're witty you'll always be so pretty as to arouse her pity 3 EARLY CRASHING 4 ETHEREAL SPAZIERGANG E. die echte promenade FALLING falling falling failing to see the end of this gliding tumbling slow diving hey ! a cloud there sorry cannot stay, got to keep on with this appalling rushing sliding oh ! it's not that I'm in a hurry, just that I'm delicately sucked & snatched & snared When shall come the dropping of this crashing, the dusk of this downing ? ....... it's cold here up above and the wind takes me away don't forget to be there, when I crash through the grass 5 CLOSET ENCOUNTER OF THE THIRD KIND FIGHTING in a closet with an eye on the Eiffel rocket : the gate shut on the scene, on me searching for some medicine but only scents did I find, a smell from female, and generously irrigated hair, fragrance of sun produced and dried sweat ; perfume of flesh cooled in dampness What kind of exquisite box was that, Which ceiling was no cardboard exit ? In vain I try to close the blinds of this window that never was... The Eiffel watchtower isn't lit anymore, And I praise the silence in the light ; Now there's no light in this Ark, I can guess in the dark. 6 THE SMILES IN THE DRAWER Thank you Oscar OPEN my drawer, under my desk, not the right drawer, no, the wrong one, the only one that's left. It screeches a rough sound as it opens, of grounded dust and long grown rust, and yet it still slides as though it were rubbed everyday with grease, perspiring from the wood taking care of its pieces. As it opens the room gets dark, my ghosts are out preparing their lark They don't pop out, they creep from inside their cave they peep Their smiling mouths rise in a fashion the Cheshire cat would not despise ; I can but gape at the smirk coming off with detachment and irk, breaking loose from the paper spread in shreds in the air They are not alone, they roam around with memories I'd rather see bound they sting and burn and pinch me torment and torture me with regrets of what has brought joy and of what was nothing but decoy Sorry all the more I feel when I forget what for I reel for what I lost that I had or for what I never did have Deep inside, how I cultivate these gloomy feelings, spoil myself indulging in private crucifixion, in tender lustful ceremonies in which I am both my own personal judge, advocate and executioner. Still, when the bliss is over, when the climax of that bitter-sweet pain has been reached, what a poor consolation am I left with, what a loathsome left-over of some phantom love : a former living, how moving smile turned into a steadily frozen grin. Yet each time again I never cease to be drawn to my drawer on the left side of my desk *..................* *........* * 7 THE BALLAD OF THE TOAST LOVE me eat me heat me gently let me turn near brown but don't you burn me butter me but don't jam me lick me honey and chew me masticate and swallow me I'll be squashed into pieces and end up in your guts will melt into fluid in your magic belly but o what a privilege to be at last admitted in the three times holy core of your body 8 MORNING SWIM HEAD first, dive into the ground and start my morning swim thick and black is the earth through which I thrust my way that gets into my eyes I take a breath outside rise through the lawn carpet : no one around ! ( can keep on with my swimming ) what's there at the bottom of this pool ? I sink down and down and the soil gets thicker, thicker and darker, and more earth gets in my eyes Oh well now I suffocate, don't like these rocks I ate, these roots around my feet. this time again won't see the boundaries of this sea but that's what makes it thrilling each morning renewing this pleasant little swimming 9 SONG OF THE FULL SODA-POP CAN LISTEN to me ! after I'm newly-opened put your hand around my body draw your ear against the opening can you hear what's coming out ? a sound of surprise sound of the bubbles gliding upwards to the surface air dying back to air ones dying back to their multitude ; here the vanishing cattle, subtly popping sea of waves waving while you sleep come inside the shell and share the plankton pleasure let the inside wind swirl your consciousness away capture your attention at the gate of the cave if you dare stay, you can but be aware, there's a danger, you might stay in the can. 10 iT is rather quiet here. not much to do but stay together ; I just patiently gather my limbs right against my body the color I cannot tell ; still dark tones predominate they predatoriate shadow upon shadow of brownish red and greyish rust and greenish guts I cannot say I'm frightened ; do I only know what it means... a flow of emotion percolates, percusses : I have not learnt to direct it yet. sometimes, I would like to get out. spread my limbs and dry this glair that keeps me damp and sticky, but I never can quit my phlegmatic limbo let the lively anger come out, blow off this jelly skin, blow up this rope that endlessly, relentlessly links me. ( notsonumbinthewomb : nottobereadtitle ) 11 R E ACROSTICAL COMPLAINT D M Y KNEED at your suffering absorbing your disease through feelingquake rather strange this meeting was to be at this point I can't conceive how you dyed me love & pain in the same syringe hate & lust joined in the party your name I don't need to say, your name I told already ; end my moving, my erratic pitying 12 EST-CE BIEN RAISONNABLE, not Politically Correct to be ? MON bébé's showing off, she wants to be a bad bad girl she's wearing black rags and dark make up Mon bébé's showing her teeth, even babies have teeth and my baby's got an urge to bite to be crude, rude, cruel but that's no need : she rules me anyway Mon bébé wants to be a woman, a real one, one who will be just like a man she wants to be a grown up and breast reduced person she'll tease you and won't release you and don't you mention gender, that's not her kind to be kind ; and anyway it's no way to talk, to a hardly born child. 13 TO EPIMETHEUS, MY FRIEND ACT now and think later give now and pay after the consequences are never measurable how could you think they are under control enjoy on the spot, and don't forget your take-away regrets you could have acted either way you could have stayed conservatively frozen in indecision don't worry, my friend, your brother is there to face the harshness of facts for you In this ire land, limbs do grow over and over on their own. 14 TO MY MOST OVERWHELMING GHOST MY ghost number one the first to be gone leader of the way you took only half-way, you had to take astray how could you disappear and be all the more here, wherever, whenever the main one of my unpresent able ascendants Invisible spirit of the shelves and walls, which each one serves and invokes and yet none wishes to recall Idol filled till stuffed with each mourner's own desires and memories, evoked till betrayal how can I solve the charade, of having this filling match with my feelings. 15 MY FAVOURITE DISH My Obsession swallowed its object. Object became subject. My Obsession is my only preoccupation, BUT, what has become of its Causa Prima ? The Pretext, the Catalyser is there, maintaining its presence through its very absence. I can't forget you, but I'm already unable to remember you how could I after I've dismembered you I undid you Your face is not your face your eyes are not your eyes anymore, I stole your image and made it mine your soul I violated does not belong to yourself any longer I snatched you in my mind impressed my silver retina will free you on paper only, what a revelation, sublimation Well for now here I have you in my box sealed with lead and tar and feathers and glue and scotch tape, wax and dough, My Irish stew I cook you and when you're done overdone I'll devour you you'll be all red and burned bones and blood will have melted with vegetables Don't worry I won't forget to plant you as you asked I'll watch you grow in acid soil, till you're born again through a sensible day after day metempsychosis. 16 EURYDICE IST IN DIE HÖLLE EINKAUFEN GEGANGEN YOU understood me ? You with-took me ! You took good care of me ; you undertook me : you shook me , you took a part away , you played your part and took another way . 17 SPONGE I'll absorb and scour you SOFT, elastic, pallid tofu brain open to colourful, sonorous aggressions, interventions palpitating to foreign frequencies following alien rhythms Warm wax intending sculpture Ready for alteration Enjoying violation Seeking penetration, vacuuming compression ; Yearning a new dying, new matter for breathing Sometimes, though, it is not so. Sometimes it is locked, blocked, closed, stiff and deaf, Sometimes Sponge gets dry and breakable. 18 IMPRESSION SOLEIL COUCHANT HER teeth write their shape on the green skin, tightening and tearing it regularly ; it doesn't bleed at all. Her jaw carves the pale yellow meat, causing a little foam to spring on the lips ; In the deep wound, unpainful flesh only As the scene repeats itself, at the rhythm of a mat, colourless noise echoing in her mouth, I sink into drowsiness, but in my wake what is left of my consciousness lets me know the remote pleasure of attending this sweet massacre, this innocent deportation of matter... Listening to her eating an apple always brings me to a numb ecstasy. 19 WITCH KIND OF GIRL ARE YOU ? THERE'S a sharp hook around my neck, A shark hunting hook inside my mouth, A stainless steel tool piercing my chin My speech is not hindered, Not even by the tickling of the blood flowing, This blood I must swallow, Self-anthropophagously, Nor by the persistence of this oxide taste That hides the flavour of the air I can tell this hook's been used before, It's stainless steel, but not so stainless Anymore It is still stained with another's pain I think I held you in my arms, you looked so sorry, I felt so sorry for you That's when your eyes turned into hard blue coal I was in a daze, Only now I realize how They looked so serene At me While they pierced me. 20 LAWFUL HIJACKING Thank you Ricardo NACHT und Nebel, Niemand gleich No one alike you are like a moist mist in the night I walk through you as you surround me Who might Spell the antidote to dissipate this Cast of magic spoken on me 21 THE KLIZARD LIQUID lizard peeping sneaker, guggenheimer ! Snakely you lose your skin and dry in the sun No way to catch you would rather lose a limb behind you « Safety's in flight » whispers your lovely wisdom Le Salut dans la fuite ? You have no choice, when Merciful Nature decides, Not able to mischoose, There's no way to miss no way to take In the end, you're left with an empty Sin(n)loess purity 22 DROWNING IN MY OWN TEARS DROWNED in my own tears without crying. The salty water just wouldn't flow out It spread in my body, swelled my skin from inside filled me till it reached my mouth, then my nose. now only my eyes stick out soon it could be over. 23 I don't see you at every corner of a street, I don't shake when I cross the places you used to frequent I don't feel your presence on my pressured chest The air doesn't feel like sand to breathe, and the sidewalks are softer than they used to be. You must have left the city. 24 Darling Nikè YOU bite in the red meat with envy, your gracious teeth tear it easily ( you, in captivity ? ) Oh ! Take your time, this is a special moment, a unique opportunity ( you, a vegetarian ? ) Help yourself, you know I agree, Take some more, you know I enjoy it truly, When you devour my chest methodically.